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Vol. 9 No. 1 January 15, 2002
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T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S
1. Feature #1 Article:
New Years Resolution Results"
by Dale Berry, CP
2. Feature # 2 Booklet:
"Triumphant Journey: A Cyberguide To Stop
Overeating
And Recover From Eating Disorders"
by Joanna Poppink, M.F.C.C
3. Feature # 3 Article: "The Mitzvah"
by Tom Shafer
4. Updated Discussion Forums
5. Psychtoons
6. Amazing Bookstore - Best Selling Titles
7. Job Openings
8. What You Can Contribute
9. Access our Web Site
10. Subscribing, Unsubscribing & FAQs
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SHM FEATURE ARTICLE # 1:
"New Years Resolution Results"
by Dale Berry, CP, Results Coach
If you're like most people, the majority of your
New Year's resolutions become New Year's
delusions by the end of February. Less than 30%
of New Years Resolutions ever achieve success,
but year after year, we stick with tradition. On
New Years Eve, many of us make (or consider
making) a resolution to achieve a personal goal.
This is the opportunity for a clean start, you're
once a year opening to take on a new challenge
and achieve something worth while. Want to make a
difference this year? Here are 10 keys to
achieving results with your resolution for the
New Year.
PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO YOUR RESOLUTION
A significant number of people make their
resolutions at the last minute, sometimes a
minute before midnight, in response to someone
asking "what's your New Year's resolution?" An
important fact about resolutions is resolutions
do not need to be declared at the stroke of
midnight, or on New Year's day for that matter.
Take your time; make a realistic resolution, one
that you have considered and you believe can be
accomplished. No need to make it life changing,
profound or of great significance to others. Make
a resolution that has meaning and significance to
you. If you are always in a rush in the morning,
resolve to wake up 15-30 minutes earlier than you
usually do to give yourself more time to prepare
for the day. If your house is always cluttered,
resolve to clean or straighten up one room a week,
or perhaps resolve never to go to bed with dirty
dishes in the sink. If you are feeling isolated
because you live far away from family or friends,
resolve to write a personal letter once a month.
All of these are simple resolutions, not excessive
or taking on too much of a burden, but they are
resolutions that are obtainable and will make a
positive impact on your year. Put some thought
into it, make it a resolution that has some
meaning and a level of purpose in your life.
MAKE IT REALISTIC
Do not make a resolution that is unreasonable or
next too impossible to obtain, you are only
setting yourself up to be discouraged and
disappointed. One of the more popular resolutions
is "I am going to get in shape" or "I am going to
start exercising every day." As yourself, do you
exercise now? What will magically happen on
December 31 that will transform you into a person
to have the will power to exercise every day, or
change your diet or stop smoking overnight? Do not
make an "all or nothing" resolution. Set a goal
that can be achieved in steps or phases, one that
you have a chance of being successful at. If you
have never exercised and want to start, make a
resolution to exercise 15-20 minutes every second
day, something simple, something that you can
achieve. If by March you determine your initial
goal was too easy to achieve, there is nothing in
the resolution rulebook that prevents you from
adjusting your resolution to a higher standard, or
even declaring a revised resolution with a whole
new goal.
SET A FIRM RESOLUTION
Most resolutions fall into one of two categories,
you either want to start doing something new
(exercise, diet, eat better, save money, travel
more) or you want to stop doing something
(smoking, drinking, watching too much TV,
excessive shopping, running up debt). The major
challenge with both types is they focus on the
action of stopping or starting something and they
typically lack exact specifics. Take for example
one of the most popular resolutions, "I want to
lose weight." Not only does this resolution lack
specifics, but it has no positive focus on a true
accomplishment. Some suggest it is better to be
specific as to how much weight you want to lose,
again, the focus is not on the outcome but on the
on the work. The focus of your resolution needs
to be on the outcome. If you weight 180 pounds
and you want to lose 30 pounds, then your
resolution is "I want to weight 150 pounds this
year" Now you have a specific goal, you have a
target, you know what you are working towards and
what you want to achieve. If you want to save
money, how much money do you want in the bank by
the end of the year? Your resolution is I want to
have "X" dollars by the end of the year. If you
want to stop smoking, your resolution is "I will
be a non-smoker by the end of the year." Whatever
your resolution, word it so it is specific and
focused on the outcome and the results you want.
SET A TIMETABLE
What is the difference between a goal and a
dream? A goal is a dream with a deadline. It
makes a huge impact on your ability to obtain a
resolution when you can attach a specific
timetable and deadline to achieve your
resolution. If, for example, you want to save
money, set a goal of how much money you want to
save for the year, divide that amount by 52 weeks
and now you have a new goal of how much you need
to save every week to make your resolution a
success. Whatever your resolution, you need to
acknowledge that, if it is a worthwhile
resolution, it will take time and effort. By
setting a timetable and a deadline, you will be
able to track your progress to achieve the
resolution you desire.
MAKE A PLAN
For many, making a resolution is like diving into
the deep end of a pool and then noticing on the
way down there is no water in the pool. It makes
sense that if you are serious about achieving
resolution results a little pre-planning might be
a worthwhile effort. The second most popular New
Year's resolution is to get in shape and January
is typically when most gyms see the highest
number of new members. Just because you join a
gym does not mean you will be in shape. You need
to do more than join; you need to take a serious
look at your weekly calendar and schedule time to
actually go to the gym. Whatever your resolution,
take time to assess how much time and effort it
will take to ensure success and then schedule the
time and make the effort to make your plan
deliver resolution.
FIND RESOURCES
If you are taking on a new resolution, it stands
to reason that it most likely is something you
have never accomplished before, because if you
had been successful in the past, then there would
be no need to make it a new resolution now. So,
if this is a new challenge, or something that you
have been unable to accomplish in the past, does
it not stand to reason that you may need some
help to ensure your success? Do some research by
checking resources on the Internet, or do it the
old fashion way and go the library. Look in the
paper, the yellow pages; ask a friend or a family
member, the important thing is to explore
resources to educate yourself on techniques and
skills that assist you in achieving your
resolutions.
REMIND YOURSELF EVERY DAY
Your resolution may have been near the top of
your list of things to do on January 1, but after
a few months, it has a tendency to slowly work
its way down the list. In many instances, your
resolution actually falls off the "to-do" list.
One way to combat this challenge is to create a
simple prompt that you will see everyday to
remind you of your resolution. The easiest thing
to do is to write your resolution down on a small
piece of paper and tape it to the mirror in your
bathroom. This way, every morning you will see
the note and remind yourself of your resolution.
For the computer savvy individual, you can set up
your daily or weekly schedule to give you an
auto-reminder of you resolution.
DON'T GIVE UP
Most people start the New Year with lot of
enthusiasm and energy to ensure their resolution
will be a success. Then after a while, the
excitement goes away and not long after you
realize you have gone for a whole 3 weeks without
adhering to your resolution. Perhaps you stopped
going to the gym to work out for a few weeks or
you started smoking again or stopped your diet
because of a very stressful situation at work.
Don't panic, your commitment to your resolution
is not destroyed. Remember, your resolution is
for the entire New Year, which gives you a total
of 52 weeks, a whole 365 days to accomplish your
goal. So what if you stopped your resolution for
a week, or even a month, there is no reason you
cannot start up again where you left off. Why
wait until next December 31 to re-start the same
resolution you made last year? Start today, you
can start a resolution any day you want to.
FIND A RESOLUTION PARTNER
A great way to ensure success is to find a New
Year's Resolution partner. It may be a friend,
someone from work or church or a family member.
Ask around and find someone who is serious about
making their New Year's Resolution as success.
Make an agreement to meet at least once a month,
perhaps for lunch or for coffee, to discuss your
resolution, provide updates and to give each
other support. Exchange e-mail updates on a
weekly basis. Having someone to talk to about
your resolution and hearing about someone else's
resolution is a powerful motivator.
REWARD YOURSELF
Don't forget to reward yourself for achieving
success. You have made a significant commitment
to do something important and meaningful; you
need to be commended for your initiative and must
be rewarded for your effort. Make a decision of
what your reward will be, make it something
personal and special. It does not need to be
luxurious or expensive, it can be something
simple and obtainable like a one-hour massage, or
a weekend stay at local hotel that has a pool.
Pamper yourself; do not be afraid to treat
yourself to a little reward every month for
sticking to your resolve to achieve your
resolution. Use your imagination; make it
something that you would not normally treat
yourself to, because you earned it.
Your New Year's Resolution can be achieved. A
year from now, on December 31, you will have two
things to celebrate. First, you have achieved
your resolution from last year, something the
majority of New Year merrymakers barely remember.
Second, you now know you have what it takes to
accomplish the new resolution you will make for
next year.
Dale Berry, is a professional public speaker and
author of the book RESULTS, There's No Such Word
as Can't. He is a practicing Certified
Prosthetist and Director of Clinical Operations
for nations largest Rehabilitation Corporation.
Dale can be reached in Minneapolis by fax at
(952) 943-9562.
What do you think?
To find more articles by this author, run a search on his last
name on this: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/search.html
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SHM FEATURE ARTICLE # 2:
"Triumphant Journey:
A Cyberguide To Stop Overeating
And Recover From Eating Disorders"
by Joanna Poppink, M.F.C.C
http://selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/eating/guide/index.html
Part One
Part One This section gives you some
background about Joanna Poppink and
explains why most diet programs
don't work.
Part Two helps you discover if you
are an overeater and explores some
rewards of being free from an eating
disorder.
It describes what powerful emotional
and life challenges must be
confronted as your eating patterns
become appropriate to your health
and well being.
It describes personal qualities in
your Essential Equipment List that
are necessary in your journey to be
free of overeating.
Part Three is designed to help you
stop overeating. By following this
guide you can improve your
relationship with food and yourself.
You can begin to address the source
of your need to overeat and develop
more satisfying and useful ways of
thinking and behaving. Part Three
prepares you for doing the deep work
described in Part Seven.
Part Four provides specific
information about underlying issues
in eating disorders.
It discusses how secrets relate to
overeating, how those secrets can
cause pain in your life today and
how those secrets may have
developed.
Part Five describes and discusses a
childhood incident which helps
clarify how secrets can help create
and maintain eating disorders.
Part Six, by means of 20 questions,
helps you discover if you have
secrets in your life which may
govern your overeating.
Part Seven describes the heart of
your program to be free of your
eating disorder. Here you will find
preparatory exercises and an Action
Plan. These will take you through
the deep work of discovering secrets
that can compel you to overeat. It
shows you how to create and use a
personal support and workbook system
that will guide you through your
personal recovery work.
Part Eight shows you how to use
affirmations and gives you a list of
134 affirmations to choose from in
your personal work.
Part Nine suggests additional
sources of help for people with
eating disorders.
Joanna Poppink, M.F.C.C., licensed
by the State of California in 1980,
is a Marriage, Family, Child
Counselor (License #15563). She has
a private practice in Los Angeles
where she works with adult
individuals and couples. She
specializes in working with people
with eating disorders and with
people who are trying to understand
and help a loved on who has an
eating disorder.
Contact Information:
10573 West Pico Blvd. Suite 20
Los Angeles, CA 90064
(310) 474-4165 phone
(310) 474-7248 fax
Want to comment on this article? Express Yourself!
http://www.selfhelpmagazine/express.html
To find more articles by this author, run a search on his
last name from this page:
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/search.html
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SHM FEATURE ARTICLE # 3:
"The Mitzvah"
by Tom Shafer
Yankel was a young man who lived in Poland many
years ago. As we meet him, he had become a very
bitter man.
He had finished years of apprenticeship as a
tailor, and he was very talented at his trade.
Pants, dresses and coats; he could make them
all. And he had a special talent for using just
enough cloth to make a beautiful piece with
hardly anything left over so his customers got
an excellent price.
But hard times had fallen. The nobles had fought
one of their usual wars and all the peasants and
tradesmen were not only left poor, they were
left hungry. There was no money for anyone to
buy new cloth for Yankel to sew. He found
himself repairing torn pants and darning socks,
when he could get any work at all. And there had
been no work for the past week.
Yankel was especially bitter because of Rivka.
What a beautiful and gentle girl and almost the
age to marry. He father was a well to do
scholar. Yankel had, after much persistence,
almost sealed a deal with him for a betrothal.
But everything had fallen through. There was no
room in Rivka's life for a starving tailor, her
father had said.
Cold and hungry, he walked across a plowed
field. He was going to the woods by the river to
sleep with the other hungry men.
He stubbed his foot. A big rock and another. Two
sore toes. He stifled a curse. Then he stared at
Heavens and shouted, "Why God, why? It's not
enough that I have no business and never will
have a wife. Now you have to break my toes,
too?" He stopped, embarrassed. He had promised
himself he would not pray until the famine
ended.
Furious, he reached down to grab the first rock
and throw it into the air. But, it wasn't a
rock. It was a potato. And the second rock was a
potato too. Not just any potatoes mind you, the
biggest he had ever seen. And they were both
fresh and firm, unusual for this late in the
year.
Puzzled, Yankel quickly stuffed one of the huge
potatoes into each pocket of his coat. He looked
around hurriedly and saw two men, one very small
and one very large, about to enter the field.
The large man seemed to smile at him.
"Oh no, they saw me," he thought. He scurried
toward the woods. Then he looked around and saw
no one. The men must have taken another way. He
crept to the river bank and washed the potato.
He was about ready to cut it up and eat the
first bite when he heard someone behind him. He
winced, caught red handed.
"Hello my friend," the man said, his Polish was
heavily accented with the lilt of some strange
land. "Nice Potato you have there."
"It's mine," said Yankel. "I came by it
honestly."
"I'm sure you did," said the man. "You appear to
be an honest fellow. I have lived many years and
been many places. I can tell such things."
Yankel looked at the man. He was very old. His
dress was peculiar and much too light for a
Polish winter. His skin was a medium brown.
"You are not from here?" asked Yankel.
"No," said the man. I come from far south of
here in Arabia. I worked with a noble's horses.
Until he got killed in the war. Now I have no
work."
"Nor I," said Yankel.
"Oh well," said the man. "Join me for some warm
water? Perhaps we can find some herbs to make a
tea?"
Yankel followed the man around a curve in the
river bank. There was an iron pot simmering away
over a fire. The man gestured Yankel to sit and
threw more wood on the fire. Then he told Yankel
he must take a few moments to say his evening
prayers. He spread out a small rug and bowed on
it, resting on his hands and knees with his
forehead to the ground. The man prayed for
several minutes in a language Yankel did not
understand.
When he was finished, he sat up and rolled up
his rug. He looked at Yankel. "I had a thought
during my prayers," he said. "As you can see, I
am a follower of the Prophet and I was taught
from an early age to always give charity. You
have no need to eat that magnificent potato raw.
Why don't you boil it in my water."
Yankel looked troubled. "Do not worry, my new
friend," the old man said. "I know you are young
and very hungry. I am old and require little
food. I must offer the charity of my humble
abode so I would be honored if you would use my
water. Of course, I don't think I would be
breaking any rules if I drank some of the broth
afterwards. If you don't mind, that is." (The
rumbling of the man's stomach belied his calm
expression.)
Yankel cut the potato into pieces and put them
in the water. He watched them boil. The man
smiled and sat down. Then tears formed in
Yankel's eyes.
"But I must share with you," he said to the man.
"Absolutely not," said the man. "Then it
wouldn't be charity."
"But I am a Jew," Yankel said. "I am commanded
to give charity too. We call that a Mitzvah. It
is our law, too."
"But," said the old man, "If I give you charity
and you give me charity back, then how have I
given charity? Charity must be given without
hope of return."
Yankel was getting exasperated. "Then how am I
do to do a Mitzvah? What about my commandments."
"It would be enough for me to watch you enjoy
your meal" the man said. "And a little broth
would warm me up nicely for the night ahead. You
have only enough for one meal for a strapping
young lad like yourself."
Yankel stirred the pot. Then he began to cry
again. "I must confess," he said. And he pulled
the second potato out of his other pocket. "I
have not been honest with you. I have enough to
share."
"Absolutely not," said the old man. "Charity is
charity. Use my water later for the other
potato."
"But how am I supposed to do a Mitzvah," Yankel
shouted. The old man sat straight and looked
very firm.
Then Yankel smiled. "I had a thought," he said.
"What if the Holy one, Blessed be He, gave me
this second potato because he knew I would meet
you?"
The old man's posture softened. "I wish I had a
Koran to consult on this point of law," he said.
He thought for another moment. "But, then
again... Who am I to argue with the Creator of
such magnificent potatoes?" Yankel cut up the
second potato and they put it in the pot. The he
said to the old man, "You people of the Prophet
sure make it hard to do a Mitzvah."
The old man replied, "But I've always heard you
Jews argue well." Both men laughed.
A little way in the woods, the two men Yankel
had seen before were listening. There was a
smallish man with quick and greedy eyes. A thief
by trade. His companion was a giant of a man but
with the simple face of one who had the mind of
a child. The small man gestured for silence as
he listened. He motioned his companion to stand
with him. He felt the two large carrots in his
pocket. "No need to eat them tonight." he
thought. "Potatoes are waiting." And there was
no longer any need to figure out how to get away
from his companion to wash and eat the carrots.
The small man came out of the woods and called
to Yankel and the Arabian. "Hello my friends,"
He shouted. "Oh, do not worry. My friends, we
ask for nothing more than a few minutes by your
fire. Then we shall be moving on." Craftily he
added, "We have no need to disturb your meal."
He and the quiet giant sat by the fire and
warmed their hands. The crafty one chatted about
the weather, dropping sly hints that he and his
friend had not eaten for three days but hoped to
find some grain the next day. "Don't worry about
us," he said again. "Just a few minutes and we
will be on our way. I wish I had time to enjoy
watching you two eat your soup, but time is
pressing and it is almost dark."
Yankel hesitated. Then he shrugged and said.
"You two may share some of my potato." The old
man added, "And mine."
"Wouldn't hear of it," the sly one said.
"But we must share." Yankel said. "Its commanded
by our religions. For me it is called a
Mitzvah."
"Only in that case," the sly one said. "Far be
it from me to come between a man and his Maker."
All four men watched the soup boil. The quiet
giant took a small packet from his pocket and
leaned to pour it into the soup.
"What is that?" shouted Yankel.
"Salt," said the giant.
"But you can't do that." Yankel said. If you
give me anything in return, you'll ruin my
Mitzvah."
"And mine" said the old man. "We cannot give you
charity if you give in return." (The sly one
suppressed a giggle at such foolishness.)
The giant sat back looking disappointed. "I am
not gifted with wits," he said. "I cannot
understand such things. I will do what you say."
Then he thought intently for a minute. "I heard
a Priest last week say we all had to be like
salt," he said. "He said a little salt makes
everything taste better. I don't understand such
things so much. But that is why I wanted to
share my salt."
"There is nothing wrong with your wits my
friend." the old man said. "That is a very wise
saying."
The sly one said, "I guess this must be a
commandment of his religion." The old man
shrugged and the giant one leaned forward again.
"But what about my Mitzvah?," Yankel complained.
The old man looked at Yankel. "He is a simple
but honest man," he said to Yankel. "My Prophet
teaches kindness to such people."
Yankel relented. "So do mine." Both men smiled
at the giant as he seasoned the soup.
The small man shifted uncomfortably. He had
watched and listened. Memories of a long ignored
Catechism entered his mind as he remembered the
Priest talking about salt. Why had he let that
big oaf drag him into that church?
He stood up and said, "I must go now."
"But not before you eat," Yankel said.
"I do not deserve to share food with you three.
Look, I have been holding out on you." He
dropped the two large carrots on the ground by
the pot and backed up a step. Tears were in his
eyes.
"I meant to eat your food and share nothing. And
steal from you when you slept. I could have
gotten a lot of money for that rug."
Then he looked at his large and gentle
companion. "Stay with them. They will take
better care of you than I."
"But," Yankel said. "We asked for nothing but to
share. Please stay."
The old man nodded his assent. "And keep your
carrots."
"But you must take them. It's the only way I'll
stay," the small man said.
"You'll ruin my Mitzvah." Yankel said.
"I wish I had a Koran to look this up," the old
man said. Then he thought for a moment and
looked at Yankel. "I believe this man is
offering these carrots as a token of his return
to his faith."
Yankel said, "We call that Teshuvah."
"That is a nice way to say it," the old man
said. "And is it not one of your Mitzvahs to
help a man return to his faith?"
"Yes," said Yankel. There was a little pout in
his voice. The he brightened. "That is even a
greater Mitzvah for me," he said.
"Me also," said the old man. He looked at the
small man. "We will accept your gift of carrots.
But only if you eat with us. It is commanded by
my Prophet."
"And all of my prophets," Yankel added.
The man washed the carrots, cut them up and
dropped them into the pot. The giant one peeled
the bark off a small broken limb and washed it.
"I'll add some more salt," he said and he began
to stir the soup.
And so it went for the next hour. The soup
simmered and more men showed up. Each was
offered a meal. Each had a little something for
the pot, a mushroom, some pepper. One man even
had a chicken. All gifts were offered and
arguments flared each time. Each time, Yankel
said, "What about my Mitzvah?," then the gifts
were accepted one by one.
Finally a man came with a lute. He had no food
or spices but offered a gift of song. More
arguments and his gift was accepted too. Soon
the men all listened to beautiful music. Some
sang along when they recognized a tune.
All the men except the simple giant, that is. He
said and sang nothing but simply sat and stirred
the soup. And, as he stirred ever so gently,
something strange occurred. The whole of all the
men's gifts became greater than the sum of all
of the parts. And, when the soup was done, they
all ate their fill, many with seconds.
When all had eaten their fill, the lute player
began to play, livelier now. Many of the men
sang, some of them danced. Yankel and the Arab
and the gentle giant sat by the fire and watched
them by the firelight and the moonlight.
Then Yankel excused himself and walked along the
bank around the bend. Tired, he laid down with
his coat for a blankets and a large clump of
soft grass for a pillow. He listened to the men
and placed his hands on his full belly.
There was an awkward silence, then he haltingly
prayed the Grace After Meals....
Author's Comment
I wrote it in the tradition of the old Polish
Jewish Maggidm or storyteller. To me, A Jew, the
giant stirring the pot and multiplying the food
would be Elijah. Christians of course would see
Jesus. The Moslems have many delightful tales
about visit by angels who appear as men. Often
they are poor and retarded or crippled. And my
Buddhist friend in Mass. immediately recalled
the Tibetan tales about the Boddhistivas who
visit us from time to time.
Or maybe just the large gentle man who stirred
enough love into the stew that something just
had to happen?
I love to share this tale and get reactions from
others. Please let us all know what your
thoughts and feelings are after reading it.
Happy Holidays,
Tom Shafer, MD
Thomas G. Shafer, MD, received his medical
degree from the University of Virginia and did
three years Post Doctoral work in Psychiatry at
Penn State University.=20
His novel about his clinical work with Vietnam
veterans is The Double Rainbow, published by
Picasso Publications of Ontario. His address is:
213 Creekside Drive, Florence, AL 35630.
(205)760-9912
To find more articles by this author, run a search on his
last name from this page:
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Death of a Loved One=20
Eating Disorders =20
Emotional Abuse=20
Heartbreak =20
Lying =20
Men =20
Panic Disorder =20
Parenting
Pets =20
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder =20
Pregnancy =20
Psychopathic Relationships
Psychotherapy=20
Relationships=20
Sex=20
Sexual Compulsivity=20
Sexual Deviations =20
Spirituality =20
Stress=20
Teens =20
Women =20
Workaholic =20
Young Children =20
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P S Y C H T O O N S
Remember: * Laughter is nature's best medicine *
For new funny cartoon pages visit our PsychToons
W H A T Y O U C A N C O N T R I B U T E
Send us the Link to Your Favorite Mental health Site
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SelfhelpMagazine.com Disclaimer
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Marlene M. Maheu, Ph.D.
http://selfhelpmagazine.com/about/staff/drm.html
SelfhelpMagazine.com, Editor-In-Chief
Teresa Raymond
http://selfhelpmagazine.com/about/staff/teresa.html
SelfhelpMagazine.com, Assistant Editor
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